Spaces Between
by Calendulam
Summary: Kurt is bored. Blaine isn't himself. There are far too many maybes and almosts. AU after Special Education.


I've been kind of missing Season 2 Dalton lately and I wanted to get this finished before 3x11 destroys any love I have left for the Warblers. Creepy Sebastian is ruining them for me. :( Also, Nick is adorable and I can't help but use him whenever possible. I would love to know what you think.

I don't own Glee.

~0~

**~Spaces Between~**

Dalton, Kurt is finding, is not all that it's cracked up to be. Not even making mention of the horrifically unflattering uniforms, which are the most visible drawback, the school is a lot less _impromptu performances_ and a lot more _arguing about which Ivy League school is the most prestigious_. Really, he's finding it all very mundane. He never thought he would miss all of the drama that was New Directions' usual fodder, or Mr. Schue's misguided attempts at team unity. The Warblers are all nice guys, but the only thing they argue about is uniform choices and whether Richard's fauxhawk is appropriate or if it goes against the Warblers' strict grooming code. Kurt is a little shocked when it is brought up bluntly in the middle of a meeting as though they are discussing whether it is okay to serve root beer with caviar. Richard doesn't seem offended, however. Kurt decides that if the council ever attempts to insert themselves into _his_ personal grooming business that they will be leaving it in pieces.

His classes are more interesting – the subject matter if not the students populating them – but Kurt is bored. And he can't very well complain to Blaine about it after the last speech he'd gotten about "fitting in". Didn't Blaine see that Kurt wasn't made to fit in? He was made to stand out, not be a lemming following along behind identically costumed pod people. And Kurt had seen the same thing in Blaine – a sparkling individuality that made him so amazing. But that individuality was gone at Dalton. Kurt felt like he had arrived home from a business trip to find that his husband had been replaced with a robot copy made to follow society's whims. Not that he and Blaine were... well, he had thought before that _maybe_, but it seemed impossible now. Dalton Blaine and Real World Blaine are not the same person. Even in Blaine's dorm room his towering stacks of _Vogue_ were hidden away in favour of _Wall Street Journals_ and Warblers' sheet music.

"Just for the record," Kurt says to Richard as they're leaving the Warblers meeting room, "I like your hair and I don't see why the Warblers' alumni or forefathers or whomever would be offended by it in the least." Richard gives him a crooked grin and Kurt feels like jumping for joy that something isn't perfect for once.

Nick approaches Kurt while he's studying in the junior commons a while later. He sets his books up across the table and they work together on a post lab for their shared chemistry class.

"Weird meeting today, huh?" Nick asks when they decide to take a break from their work.

"Uh, yeah," Kurt agrees, widening his eyes in exaggeration. "And my old glee club had diva-offs and paternity drama."

"Like Maury?" Nick asks and Kurt laughs. "Do you miss it? Your old glee club?"

"Yeah. It's weird – mostly they irritated me while I was there, but I think that level of insanity just becomes so normal after awhile. And then you expect it. So when it's no longer around it leaves you kinda..."

"Bored?" Nick is smiling knowingly and Kurt shrugs. "You seem sort of, I don't know, unimpressed with the ceremony and, well, conservatism of the Warblers."

"I don't mean to be," Kurt is quick to clarify. "It's just really different for me, you know? Not what I'm used to. I don't know if I will ever really fit in."

"From all of the YouTube videos I saw when Blaine and the council were drooling over you after your little spying attempt, I'd say our group could learn a lot from you about creativity and performance. Make them listen."

Kurt blushes at the mention of Blaine and drooling over him, even though it was only his talent that was being coveted. "I don't know how to do that," he says. "I tried. No one gets me here. I'm just some weird, exotic creature as much as I was at McKinley. Only here at least no one throws slushies at me for it."

Nick winces. "That's got to hurt."

"Yeah. Ice and corn syrup in the eyes is not pleasant in the slightest."

"But still," Nick continues, "you should really work on it. Some of us would back you up. You know Blaine will."

_Have you noticed that we all wear uniforms?_ Kurt raises an eyebrow and fiddles with his pen, avoiding Nick's gaze. "I wouldn't be so sure about that," he says, mostly to himself.

"What do you mean?" Nick looks confused. "You guys are friends, right? Blaine talks about you all the time."

"Sure we are, of course. It's just... Well, _Warbler_ Blaine isn't really _Blaine_, is he?" Nick looks really confused now and Kurt tries to backtrack. "Never mind. I'm being stupid." What is he doing? Just because Nick is being nice to him doesn't mean that Kurt can criticize his Warbler God and expect anything other than complete and utter disorientation.

"No," Nick admonishes. "Please explain. I won't say a word, I promise. You seem like you need to talk about it."

Kurt studies Nick for a moment and decides that he seems trustworthy. Either that or he's so desperate for some sort of sounding board that he will talk at anyone. "It's just that, I feel like he's one way with me and completely different when here at Dalton. When I first got here I wondered if he had been replaced by a pod person. But then we hung out on the weekend and he was normal again."

"Huh," Nick says, still smiling over the pod person quip, "I never noticed anything different before."

"Anyway," Kurt says, glancing back at his chemistry work. "I've had enough drama for a lifetime so I'm just going to focus on my classes and getting the hell out of Ohio."

"Okay," Nick agrees and reopens his chemistry book. "Let me know if you ever want to talk."

"That's it?" Kurt asks, amused. "You're going to just let me get away with that with no further digging? Wow, so this is what it's like having straight guy friends. Amazing."

Nick shares Kurt's grin. "It's your business," he says. "And just for the record, I'm not straight."

"Huh," Kurt says. "My gaydar has been seriously wonky lately."

Nick throws his head back and laughs.

The boys are just beginning their math work when Blaine leads a morose looking Tina into the room and directs her toward Kurt's table.

"Tina? What are you doing here?" Kurt stands from his seat to greet her just in time for her to throw herself into his arms and start wailing. He pats her back and makes soothing noises. When he has been patting and cooing for a few minutes and Tina refuses to be soothed, Kurt begins to worry. "You're freaking me out here, Tina."

She lifts her head from where it's been buried in Kurt's neck and wipes a hand across her eyes. "I – I th-think M-Mike's cheating on me." Her face crumples again and a very nervous looking Nick passes her a tissue.

Kurt sighs and rubs a hand over her back. "Have a seat and explain, please."

She sits down next to him and blows her nose with Nick's tissue. "Is it okay that I'm here? Or is this one of those old boys' club type institutions where it's all 'no girls allowed' for fear that we'll corrupt the poor innocent boys with the mere presence of our evil vaginas?"

Kurt laughs at the flabbergasted expressions on both Blaine and Nick's faces. "No, you're allowed in the common areas," Blaine explains. "Just not the dorms."

Tina turns to Kurt. "No sleepovers then," she says sadly. He pokes out his lip and shakes his head.

"What's with the pigtails?" Kurt asks her, tugging at one of the offending ringlets. They are not at all Tina's style.

Tina sighs and looks down at herself, slowly unbuttoning her jacket to reveal a goth-looking cheerleader outfit before looking back up at Kurt.

"Oh, honey, no," he chastises in a gentle voice. "What are you doing?"

"It's Brittany!" she explains. "I panicked!"

"Brittany I would believe, but Mike doesn't seem the type to cheat, Tina. Do you have any proof?"

"Not solid. But Artie agrees with me. They're always together and both of them are being really cagey when we ask about it."

"Artie might only be using this an excuse to break you guys up. He was pretty desperate to get you back."

"Why would he want me when he has Brittany?"

"Tina, you are amazing. Brittany – sure, she's gorgeous, but she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. You're both gorgeous _and_ intelligent. Not to mention fun and witty and _always_ interesting. Please don't go changing a single thing about yourself for anyone, let alone some guy. You're special, not meant to be anyone but who you are. Okay? Promise me." _And so am I_, Kurt thinks. He is not about to let this place change who he is, not about to blend into the crowd the way Blaine seems to think is best. He is meant to stand out, and he is damn well going to.

She gives Kurt a watery smile and nods. "You're the best," she says. "I miss you so much."

"Aww, come here," Kurt says and pulls Tina in for a hug. "Now, you are going to go back to Lima and you are going to talk to that guy of yours. Tell him you feel uncomfortable with the way he's been acting with regards to Brittany and that you want to know why he won't be straight with you. Okay? I'm sure it's nothing. And if it turns out to be something – you are going to kick his ass with your pointiest boots and then I am going to sneak you into my dorm room where we will eat ice cream and watch _Beaches_ until we're both dehydrated from all of the bawling. Yes?"

Tina nods again and gives Kurt a wide smile. "I'm going to have to borrow a pair of your boots, though. I don't have any pointy ones."

Blaine goes with Kurt to walk Tina back to her car.

"So," Blaine says after she has driven off. He's not making eye contact with Kurt, his attention entirely focused on the stone that he is kicking back and forth between his feet. "I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything, but I heard you talking to Nick earlier."

Kurt can feel what little colour there is draining from his face. He could slap himself. Why had he brought it up to Nick at Dalton where anyone could overhear, where Blaine could overhear? If he had needed to discuss it with someone it could have waited until the weekend and one of his girls. "Oh, God, Blaine. I –"

"No, it's okay, Kurt. I mean, it's true. I'm not the same person with you as I am with them. I'm a big fake."

"You aren't a fake. Just because you're more comfortable with me, there isn't anything wrong with –" Kurt stops mid sentence when Blaine places both hands on Kurt's shoulders and shakes his head.

"The reason Nick never noticed anything is because Nick doesn't know me. None of the others do, not really. I've never felt comfortable enough to be myself until I met you. Not since before things got bad at my old school."

"Blaine... I'm sorry –"

"No, Kurt, it's me who should be apologizing. What I said to you after your audition was stupid and I could tell that it really bothered you. You've been acting differently around me ever since and you have every right to. The weirdest thing is – I don't even know why I said it. The entire time I was speaking I was thinking to myself that it was all a bunch of bullshit. You don't need to be anything but who you are, because who you are is the most amazing, brave, original person I have ever met and to change that would be a tragedy. I have made myself over into what other people expected of me because I was afraid. But you are not weak like me."

"You aren't weak, Blaine. And you shouldn't just assume that those guys in there want you to be anything other than yourself. Because the Blaine I have gotten to know is an amazing guy that any one of them would be lucky to have as a friend."

"You're really very good at motivational speeches, you know? I don't know why I bothered trying my hand at it at all. I have no idea what I'm talking about most of the time."

Kurt can't help but smile fondly at Blaine even though he stills feels terrible about being overheard. "Just, please give it a try. Being _you_ with the Warblers. I promise it'll be okay. Those things I said to Tina, they stand for you as well. Besides the bit about the boyfriend and the kicking."

"Don't worry, I was listening." And Blaine's smile is so very sweet that it makes Kurt's heart cry. How could this amazing person think he wasn't good enough to fit in and be liked? And how could Kurt have given up on him so easily? He promises himself that he won't do it again. He will do anything he can to make Blaine feel as special as he is. And if all they ever are is good friends, then so be it. "So _Beaches_ and ice cream are on the table then?"

He slings his arm around Blaine's shoulders and turns them in the direction of the school. "If you ever feel so inclined."

Kurt is so caught up in Blaine's smile that he trips going up the steps. Blaine catches him and it's like time starts moving in slow motion. He looks up at Blaine – a little smile turning up the corners of his full lips, eyelashes dark and impossibly long blinking over wide amber eyes. He's too beautiful to be real. Blaine's cheeks colour a bit and he looks away, breaking their gaze before setting Kurt back on his feet. Kurt hadn't missed the way his eyes had drifted to Kurt's lips for half a second before leaving his face. He swallows his disappointment and laughs along with Blaine at his uncharacteristic clumsiness.

~0~

Blaine is trying to surreptitiously watch as Kurt eats the pie that he had been all but bullied into ordering when he hears someone calling Kurt's name.

"Kurt! Kurt! It's me!" A leggy blond girl comes running through the restaurant and flings herself at Kurt, kissing his cheeks and snuggling into his lap.

"Britts!" Kurt says brightly. He is only momentarily stunned and not upset in the least that she is using him as a seat. "What are you doing in Westerville?"

"I'm with my motocross team," she says. "We warmed up the crowd before the monster trucks."

The guys around the table are all giving her odd looks, some of them openly ogling. The motocross revelation doesn't seem to be helping in the slightest.

The girl, Britts Kurt had called her, lowers her voice and glances around at the assembled Warblers nervously. "You're here with all of the other gay wizards. I won't tell the Muggles. I don't want you to be in trouble."

Blaine almost laughs, thinking she is kidding, but she appears to be dead serious. A fact made clear by the way Kurt answers her with barely a hint of his close-mouthed smile. "They're not wizards, Britt. Or gay. At least not all of them."

"What, they're all Muggles?"

And now Kurt is holding in a laugh as he glances around at the confused expressions of the others."`Fraid so."

"So then why do you all have matching outfits?"

"It's a school uniform, honey."

"I don't like you wearing these clothes. They make you look sad, like someone's plucked out all of your colourful feathers." Blaine can see the corners of Kurt's mouth turn down and he pats the girl's hand gently. "Did I do it again?" she asks. She looks sad. "Was I eccentrically wise, Kurt?"

"Yeah you were." He is squeezing her hand and she is leaning her head against his neck and he looks so comforted by her presence. It makes Blaine feel terrible, because though he has tried in small ways, he hasn't seen Kurt look this way since he arrived at Dalton. And he knows that Kurt is unhappy about having to wear a uniform every day, but he can tell that it's more than that. Like it is eating away at his identity.

"Too bad you weren't all gay wizards," she says to the table at large. "Then you could conjure up some lady capes or crowns or _something_."

"There _is_ a tragic lack of capes," Kurt agrees with a tiny smile. It's something, Blaine thinks. It's real.

"Kurt, there are so many boys here that I've never made out with. Why are they all looking at me?" Brittany whispers.

"Because they never see girls," Kurt stage whispers back and he looks directly at Blaine this time when he smiles.

"Like in prison movies?"

Kurt snorts a laugh. "Sort of."

"Prison movies make me hot and I'm surrounded by boys I've never made out with. Will you make out with me to take the edge off?" Blaine's heart rate accelerates and he feels... what is that? Jealousy? He's jealous. Of a girl. He picks away at what's left of his pie and tries to look as though he's not paying attention.

"No, Brittany."

"I know you're capital-g gay, but it's been since forever that we made out. I miss your sweet lips and baby soft hands. I did that covering mine in duck fat thing, but Lord Tubbington tried to eat me."

Blaine's head whips up of its own accord. "What?" he says and mentally cringes at how accusatory it sounded.

"Lord Tubbington is my cat," Brittany answers, confused as to what Blaine wanted clarified. Kurt, however, is not confused in the slightest. His face is colouring and he's giving Blaine a look just on this side of pleading. Blaine snaps his mouth shut and smiles at Brittany.

After Brittany heads back over to meet up with her motocross team, Blaine pulls his chair in close to Kurt. "So," he says, trying to go for nonchalant. "When you said one that counted, you meant..."

"I meant not a girl," Kurt all but snaps. His face is red and he's glancing around to make sure none of the others are listening in. "Can we not talk about this right now? It's embarrassing."

"Why?" So Kurt had experimented? That was okay. Other than the fact that it was making Blaine's insides boil with jealousy. And the guys would only be envious that he'd made out with someone as attractive as Brittany, so why was it embarrassing?

"Just... I'll tell you later, okay?"

Blaine nods, taking pity on Kurt who is bright red and looks absolutely mortified. Even though he really, really wants to know the reason for his mortification.

The Warblers sing along with the radio on the drive back to Dalton but Kurt remains silent behind the wheel. Blaine pretends to stare out of the window but watches Kurt in his peripheral vision. Whatever memory Brittany has dislodged from the back of his mind is still obviously plaguing him. He's practically gnawing on his bottom lip and Blaine hasn't seen him do anything of the sort since the day he confessed that Karofsky had kissed him.

When they get back to Dalton Blaine knows he should just let Kurt avoid him like he's very obviously trying to. He should, but it bothers him that Kurt seems so upset and he needs to know why.

He stays with Kurt, walking close by his side the entire way to Kurt's dorm room. When they get to his room Kurt motions Blaine inside and closes the door behind him with a deep sigh. "So you want to know about Brittany." He sounds weary. He begins puttering around the room, avoiding Blaine's gaze. He removes his coat and scarf and boots and lines up the bottles on his desk.

"I'm more interested in why you seem so upset about it," Blaine says. He moves over to where Kurt is standing by the desk and leans down to try to get Kurt to look him in the eye. "Hey," he says and puts a hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"It's just so embarrassing," Kurt says, looking up at last and shaking his head. "It wasn't long after Dad and Carole started getting serious. Dad started spending a lot of time bonding with Finn. They just had so much in common, you know? They could talk and laugh about things that he and I never could. And it just killed me. Dad is the only thing I have. Has been since my mother died. And it felt like Finn was everything that he wished I was. That I would never be. So I kind of, well, played straight.

"Brittany propositioned me so I took her up on it. I did a lot of even worse things." Kurt shudders and Blaine tightens his grip on his shoulder.

"Like what?"

"Well, let's just say there were synthetic fabrics involved. And trucker caps." Kurt looks absolutely disgusted and Blaine can't help but smile.

"Don't be embarrassed, Kurt. We all do our fair share of uncharacteristic things to try and impress our fathers. Even when they have no intention of being impressed no matter what. At least you patched things up with your father and things are good again. Right?"

Kurt nods. "He figured out what I was doing. He told me my only job was to be myself and his was to love me no matter what."

Blaine feels tears spring to his eyes. "Wow. He sounds amazing."

"He is pretty great. But sometimes I still get jealous, you know? When he's doing things with Finn. It's still new, I suppose."

"That's understandable. You guys were alone for so long. It's only natural to want all of his attention."

"God, it sounds so bratty when you put it like that." Kurt laughs and runs a hand over his face.

"Hey, sometimes I feel like yelling "Why won't you love me?" at my dad. Now that is what you call childish."

"That's not childish, Blaine. It's human. Come on, I've got a box of leftover Christmas chocolates and a sappy movie involving daddy issues. It seems someone apt."

And so they end up devouring an entire box of Godiva's finest and crying along with _On Golden Pond. _Kurt falls asleep with his head resting on Blaine's chest and Blaine can't help but reach out and stroke his soft hair. He looks so peaceful, so unguarded like this. He is usually so careful and put together and this Kurt - with limbs akimbo and mouth partly open and eyelashes fluttering – he makes Blaine want to be better. He makes Blaine want to stay here, be his cushion for always.

~0~

"The Warblers _do_ loosen up on occasion," Blaine tells Kurt between fits of laughter. They are in Blaine's dorm room and Kurt has done an impression of every single Warbler over the past ten minutes. Every Warbler, that is, except Blaine. "Do me! Do me!" Blaine says. He is bouncing up and down on the bed and sloshing the vodka and orange juice in their cups all over his duvet. Kurt thinks vaguely that he's glad they're in Blaine's room instead of his.

"No way," Kurt says, wiping a sticky splotch of drink from his bare forearm. "You can't handle it."

"Oh, pssh," Blaine says with a swipe of his hand through the air. "Course I can. Bring it on."

Kurt watches Blaine for a moment – sweet Blaine. He really has no idea what he's asking for. He's heard Kurt rip Rachel to shreds on numerous occasions (nearly all behind her back), but Kurt has never really mocked Blaine before. Besides that time he had been talking to Nick, but that was more about fake Blaine, not actual Blaine. He decides to go easy on him and leave any of his less than stellar personality traits out of it. Lord knows Kurt has less than stellar personality traits in spades. "Hi, my name's Blaine. Bow down before your Warbler King while I jump on the furniture as I sing every solo ever and these identically dressed school boys dance around me in unison and doo-wap."

"That's kinda mean." Blaine's heavy brows are furrowed over his bleary eyes like two burly caterpillars and Kurt can't help but laugh. That was so tame.

"But also true," he says, and taps Blaine on the nose.

"You don't really think I care about all that, do you? The solos or the so-called popularity. The only thing that really, really matters to me around here is you. You're most important."

"Oh, I am not. You're full of it. You love being the centre of attention," Kurt teases.

"Nope, don't care. D'you know how I know you're most important? You pass the zombie test. I've thought about this at great length."

"What zombie test? Blaine, you are drunk."

"I know, I know. Shh! So are you. But you know, like, if there was a zombie apocalypse right now, I would fight to the death to save you, you know? But if you did get bitten and turned into a zombie, that's the real test right there. I wouldn't be able to kill zombie you. You could come at me all_ rrrraaarrr_ and I'd have, like, a chainsaw or something, but I couldn't dismember you."

"We're in a dorm room. Where did you get a chainsaw?"

Blaine shushes Kurt again and takes him by the hand. "Even if that meant I'd get killed myself, I could never do it. And I can't say the same about anyone else. Not any of the other Warblers, not even my parents. I would totally chainsaw any one of them. You're the most important. Even zombie you."

Kurt has been flip flopping between laughter and exaggerated pouting since Blaine began his zombie speech. "Well, I promise that if I get turned into a zombie I won't kill you."

"You can't help it if you're a zombie. Because you're, like, a _zombie_."

"I know, but listen. I wouldn't _kill_ you. I'd just turn you into a zombie like me and we could live together, happily eating brains until however long zombies live for. For forever."

"Aw, that's so sweet! I wanna eat brains with you for forever!"

"Oh wait, it's not zombies that are immortal. That's vampires." For some reason, this is unreasonably hilarious and they can't seem to stop laughing.

"I love you, Kurt, you know? You're the best friend I've ever had. Okay? You know that, right?"

"I do. I do know. I love you, too, Blaine."

Blaine falls asleep lying across Kurt's chest with a smile on his face, Kurt's long fingers threaded through his dark curls.

"I wouldn't be able to kill you if you were a zombie, either," Kurt whispers into the darkness.

~0~

It's February and Kurt is beginning to feel the frustration creep into his very bones. There has been no progress with Blaine, the Warblers, although nice, are still musically boring him, and everywhere he goes people are talking about Valentine's Day.

He is lying prone on his dorm room bed, his face buried in his duvet to muffle his groaning. "Are you okay?" he hears someone say and lifts his head. Nick is staring down at him apologetically. "Your door was cracked open a bit."

Kurt makes an indecipherable noise and throws his face back on the bed. "Bad day?" Nick asks.

Bad day didn't even begin to describe it. When he'd gotten back bright and early from his weekend at home in Lima, Blaine had been there waiting for him in the parking lot with a cup of Kurt's favourite coffee. And Blaine had smiled at him all bright and happy and it gave Kurt feelings again. Feelings he's been trying to brush under the rug since they are never going to be returned and he's just so _tired_. And then in English there had been discussions about love poetry, and then Valentine's Day talk at lunch and more of Blaine's smiling, this time much worse because it was accompanied by inexplicable blushing. The smiling/blushing combo is the one that confuses Kurt the most and, urgh, sometimes he just hates Blaine. If only he wasn't so completely in love with him.

Kurt feels the bed dip down next to him as Nick takes a seat. He grumbles a bit as he slides in Nick's direction. "Well, would maybe getting out of here for the evening make your day any better?" he asks.

Kurt raises his head again and now, great, Nick is inexplicably blushing, too. "Where?"

"I thought that maybe we could go out to dinner." Nick is running a hand over the back of his neck and studying Kurt's bedding.

Oh. He means... "Do you mean like a date?" Kurt asks. He knows that it came out kind of bluntly but he needs it clarified. He's tired of mixed messages and stupid, beautiful boys and their smiling and knowing his coffee order.

"Um... _yeah_," Nick says. "If you want."

Kurt has never been on an actual date before and he'd really like to get that first over with. But all he can see are honey-coloured eyes rimmed with long, dark lashes and ridiculous eyebrows and toothy grins and perfectly muscled, veiny arms hidden by overly starched, ill fitting blazers.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he says with a weary sigh, his eyes focused on a picture Wes had taken of him and Blaine at Sectionals.

"_Oh_," Nick says, following Kurt's gaze. "_Blaine_."

"I know, right?" Kurt rolls his eyes and lays his head down on his splayed arms. "It makes me want to drown myself in that ugly fountain in the courtyard with all of the creepy naked babies on it."

Nick chuckles and pats Kurt's back soothingly. "Come with me anyway. Just as friends. You can dress up. It's always good to get away for a night. "

Kurt's head shoots up and he rolls over, dislodging Nick's hand from his back. "Okay, you had me at dress up."

The restaurant that Nick has chosen is quite fancy when one is used to eating out at Breadstix. They order a few different things from the menu so that they can share.

When Kurt is digging into the dish of tofu coconut curry, Nick asks, "So, Blaine, huh?"

_Oh, God_. Kurt thought this was supposed to be an evening away from Dalton so that he doesn't have to think about his hopeless love for Blaine. "Yeah," he replies, trying not to sound exasperated.

"That must be frustrating. Seeing as you guys are together so much and all."

"It really is. God, I thought he would have gotten a clue by now. I figure he knows and just doesn't want to have to let me down gently or whatever."

"Well, not that I want to encourage you too much, seeing as I just asked you out on a date and all." Nick grins at him and fiddles with his napkin. "But I think if you really like Blaine you're going to have to do all of the difficult work yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just that Blaine has been at Dalton since the spring of his freshman year and he's always been out and everything, but he has never gone on a single date. I know guys who have asked him and he always politely turns them down. He's never even paid special attention to any specific guys. Until you. Before you transferred he talked about you constantly to anyone who would listen. I can't even tell you how many times I caught him watching your YouTube performances. He tried to say that he was checking out the competition, but it was obvious from his blushing that it was bullshit. Truthfully, we all thought that the two of you were together until you arrived at Dalton and, well, you _weren't_." Nick visibly winces at the stricken look Kurt can feel on his own face. "Sorry," he finishes and looks away.

Kurt shakes his head and takes a sip of water before speaking aloud all of the excuses he has been making for Blaine's behaviour these past months. "He was probably just excited to have a new friend with similar experiences. Really, if he liked me in that way I'm sure he would have done something about it by now."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm giving up. I already _have_ given up." Nick is giving him a look like he doesn't quite believe him. And, okay, Kurt doesn't quite believe himself either. "Okay, I'm _attempting_ to give up. Maybe I just need something to distract me."

"Well, I can work well in that capacity if you're interested," Nick says with a grin. "Just let me know."

"I'll keep you posted," Kurt tells him with a laugh. Why shouldn't he consider dating Nick? He's adorable, really, with his stylish little cardigan and his newsboy cap that suits his face rather perfectly. The boy has a face for hats and Kurt really, really loves a good hat shop.

The rest of their dinner goes swimmingly. They talk and laugh and smile and share dessert and Nick insists on picking up the cheque. Kurt finds that he does quite like spending time with Nick.

Nick takes his hand as they're walking up Dalton's front steps and Kurt doesn't pull away. He likes holding hands, he tells the niggling voice at the back of his mind that is shouting things like _wrong_ and _don't do it_ and _leading him on_ and _not Blaine_. Nick stops him at the top of the steps and looks down at their entwined fingers for a moment before looking back up at Kurt's face.

"Kurt, can I kiss you?" Nick's voice is quiet and gentle and Kurt thinks for a moment that _maybe_... but he can't do it. It has to be right. After that horrible moment with Karofsky, Kurt is determined to make his first real kiss an amazing one. And as much as he likes Nick, he only _likes_ him. "I can't, Nick," he says. "I'm sorry. It's a bit of a sore subject with me, actually. Kisses."

Nick smiles at him and pats him on the shoulder. "It's okay, Kurt. Just thought I would ask. You know, try my luck."

"I wish..." Kurt says, shaking his head at himself. Nick is cute and funny and sweet and he looks really good in hats. "You're adorable."

Nick laughs. "I wish, too. If you ever change your mind..." He stretches out his arms. "Hug?"

"Of course," Kurt says with a laugh. "Hugs are fine. I like hugs." He leans forward into Nick's embrace and wraps his arms around his back.

Kurt wanders into the junior study lounge after saying goodnight to Nick. Blaine is the room's sole occupant, sitting on one of the leather sofas with a book on his lap and pages of notes spread all over the place. Kurt thinks about slipping out before he's spotted as he watches Blaine absentmindedly pull the cap off of a highlighter with his teeth, grabbing a page from his mess of notes, but he can't bring himself to. He feels the same tether pulling him forward that he always does and walks further into the room.

"Hi," he says.

Blaine looks up from his studying and smiles. "Hey, Kurt. Where have you been all night? I went to find you earlier but you weren't in your room." He studies Kurt for a long moment, taking him in from head to toe. "You look really, really nice."

"Oh, thanks! I figure I may as well get use out of _some_ of my clothes when not forced to wear the uniform." Kurt rolls his eyes and slips onto the leather sofa next to Blaine. "I was out with Nick."

Blaine looks back down at the history book in his lap but Kurt can see how he furrows his brow. "Was it a date?" he asks.

Kurt isn't quite sure how to answer that question, especially when Blaine is avoiding eye contact with him. Nick _had_ asked him out on a date, so it was, technically, even though Nick had amended his original invitation when Kurt seemed hesitant. But it hadn't felt like a date, not that Kurt had any dating experience to go on. The evening had been nothing but friendly. It had felt less like a date than every time he had gone to dinner or a movie or a show with Blaine. But then, Kurt had feelings for Blaine, even if they weren't returned.

"I don't know. I guess it was. Nick asked me out, but it wasn't really. I mean... I didn't let him kiss me goodnight or anything."

Blaine looks up now – his eyes angry and his jaw clenched. "Did he try to?"

"What? No. Of course not." Blaine's posture relaxes and Kurt instinctively moves closer as if to comfort him. "He asked me if he could. I told him it's a bit of a sore subject for me."

Blaine closes his eyes and sighs. "Oh, Kurt," he says, leaning to rest his head against the top Kurt's. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Blaine. I told you."

"But if I hadn't -"

"I would have snapped eventually even without your prodding. I have a short fuse. Anyway, it was my stupid idea to follow him into a secluded area by myself."

Kurt can feel Blaine's head shaking against the top of his. Blaine reaches out and laces their fingers together. It feels so right, not like it had holding hands with Nick. It makes his heart speed and his belly flutter. "Well, ultimately it was _his_ fault, but I still wish I hadn't suggested that you confront him. I should have known better."

"It's over with now, anyway. And I've decided that since it wasn't consensual, it didn't count. But I want to be sure the next one counts double to make up for it. And Nick is just a friend, so..."

"Just a friend," Blaine says softly.

"Yeah."

Silence descends upon the room, just the two boys breathing quietly, resting against each other. Kurt has slipped down in their haphazard embrace, his head lying against the curve of Blaine's neck, the hand that is not entwined with one of Blaine's gripping his upper arm. Blaine clears his throat and it sounds so loud in the quiet that it startles Kurt.

"I should let you get back to your work."

"Nah, it's okay," Blaine answers.

"I'm lying all over you," Kurt says with a self-deprecating laugh.

"_Yeah_." The inflection, the emotion that Blaine manages to put into that one small word floors Kurt. He tightens his grip on Blaine's arm as Blaine's grip tightens around his hand.

"_Oh_," Kurt says.

"I want it to be me." Blaine's voice is so soft, gentle and quiet.

"I want it to be you, too."

~0~

It's been four weeks since Blaine admitted to wanting to be Kurt's first real kiss. Four weeks and Kurt has still not kissed him.

He wants to be okay with it. He wants to believe that Kurt is just waiting for the perfect moment. But the more time that passes and the more afternoons Kurt spends with Nick instead of with Blaine drinking coffee and talking about Vogue and music and families and watching movies that fit their moods, the more anxious he becomes.

Blaine isn't bitter. Or jealous. And especially not some horrible, sleep depriving combination of the two. Really. At least that is what he keeps telling himself.

He's out enjoying the freshly fallen snow and tossing sticks and dried leaves into the ugly babies fountain and _not pouting_ when he sees the two of them walking down from the gazebo in the garden. Kurt and Nick. Nick, Kurt's new best buddy. Or worse, his boyfriend. They laugh and Kurt whips the ends of Nick's scarf into Nick's face and Blaine silently seethes and glares at one of the babies on the fountain that Kurt said freak him out. Kurt is right, too, like he usually is. Those babies are actually really frightening. He's pretty sure the one on the left has vampire fangs.

"Blaine? What are you... Are you throwing rotting leaves at the scary babies?" And shit, Kurt and Nick found him pouting. _Not_ pouting. Whatever.

"Yep." And that was the single most petulant affirmative of all time.

"Hey – What's wrong?" And now Kurt looks all beautiful and worried and he's resting a hand on Blaine's shoulder and God, Blaine feels suddenly like he's melting, just a little bit. He doesn't know what to do or say so he just shakes his head and stares stupidly into Kurt's wide eyes.

"I'll just leave the two of you to talk." Blaine had completely forgotten Nick was even there. He watches as Nick places a hand on Kurt's back and gives him a slight push in Blaine's direction, then he is walking towards the school and waving at them as he goes.

"Blaine?" Kurt looks like he's doubting Blaine's relative sanity now and Blaine is pretty sure Kurt has said his name several times as he was staring at Nick's retreating figure and silently cursing his goddamned adorable face.

"I'm so jealous!" Blaine blurts out and Kurt's eyes go even wider than before and his hand slides off of Blaine's shoulder. "If you changed your mind and don't want to... with me, I completely understand, I do. Just please, tell me. Put me out of my misery. Because, God, Kurt, I am in _misery_."

"Oh..." Kurt's pink tongue darts out of his mouth and moistens his lips and Blaine thinks, hopes... but then Kurt is opening his mouth to speak again. "Well, I, um... I was kinda waiting for you to, you know, make a move."

"But I told you that I... That _was_ my move. I can't. It has to be you, Kurt."

"Why?" Kurt's eyebrow is arched in a way that usually spells trouble for somebody and he sounds almost angry. "Why does it have to always be me?"

"Because of what happened. Karofsky. I can't... You have to be in control this time, Kurt. I don't want to be another thing that you regret."

Kurt's expression softens and he reaches out and cups his mittened palm around Blaine's numb cheek. "Oh, Blaine. I could never regret you. You are nothing like Karofsky and you know it. What else is wrong? What's going on?"

"I just... I, I've never done this before either. When we were there, on those stairs at McKinley and you told me you'd never been kissed... I wanted to tell you, neither have I. Not even one that _didn't_ count. I don't know what I'm doing. Not with kissing, not with relationships. I'm so afraid I'm going to do something wrong and screw it all up and I'll lose you forever."

"Oh, honey," Kurt says and he's looking at Blaine with so much compassion and love and Blaine's stomach flutters at the endearment. "You won't, you won't. I promise. I'm not that easy to chase off."

And Blaine is pulled into his warm embrace and he feels so safe there, so right. When Kurt pulls back after a long moment, Blaine reaches out and takes his hand and they lean back against the fountain. It begins to snow again as Kurt tucks his head into the curve of Blaine's neck and sighs contentedly.

"There is supposed to be a meteor shower tonight," Blaine says. "It's too bad it's not clear enough for us to see it."

"That's okay," Kurt whispers against his scarf. "That's okay."

There aren't any kisses. But Blaine thinks that soon, soon there will be.

~0~

They are in the small biology greenhouse. It's the first day of spring. The sun's rays are shining brightly through the glass and ricocheting off of a mobile that some enterprising student made out of bits of coloured glass. There are tiny prisms of coloured light casting their myriad patterns across Blaine's face. He doesn't notice their presence, so focused is he on the lab in front of him. Kurt leans in and presses the tip of a finger to the edge of a turquoise diamond, only for it to dance away as the mobile turns. Blaine's eyes shift over and watch Kurt's expression as he brushes his fingertips along the side of Blaine's face and down his jawline, around his chin and up to his lips. Kurt is studying them intently, teeth worrying at his own. His thumb strokes Blaine's bottom lip, back and forth, before reaching for his top. "So beautiful," he whispers. "Your mouth." He sounds reverent, looks it even, and then he is leaning forward and locking their soft lips together.

There is no other sound in the room apart from their breathing and the slick sounds of their mouths, pressing and sucking and tasting.

Kurt pulls back first, his hand still cupping Blaine's jaw. "_Blaine_," he says, simply but with so much emotion that Blaine feels it fill his insides.

"I love you," he replies, and Kurt reconnects their lips with the quietest of moans. Across the room the mobile turns, painting them with rainbow lights.


End file.
